When Less is More

Each summer as the Fall approaches, our family starts to map out the plan of activities for the new school year. I vacillate between thinking we don’t have enough planned and then feeling concern that we took on too much. My sense is that families these days have a lot of activities going on, including mine! When I first started teaching violin and viola, I worked with more families who had a “one instrument, one sport” mindset. In our community today I’m seeing more kids learning double instruments, two sports at a time, plus a foreign language and scouts. Each activity requires a certain amount of practice, scheduling, rehearsals, and then there are performances or games, and end-of-season celebrations. 

As a music teacher, my observation is that families who say “yes” to every opportunity are unwittingly saying “no” to certain possibilities.

Creativity is born out of boredom. In the open space, children get to wonder, wander, decompress and process life. On top of scheduled activities, children have school, homework and (hopefully) some chores. There are times when a child may choose a primary focus in music, and add a second instrument of study. Yo-Yo Ma studied cello, piano, and foreign language, but he didn’t have playdates and sports. His family said “yes” to certain things and “no” to others. Doubling up on instruments and sports rarely allows room for children to truly thrive in a musical craft, and I imagine it is true with other arts as well.

A trick, too, is that gifted and high performing individuals may find that they can dabble in a craft and succeed tolerably well without putting in much effort. But, leaning on this ability to achieve a measure of success without sustained or focused effort may deprive the child of the chance to pursue something at a deeper level. We want them to get to experience grit or pushing through, and to get to practice saying “no” to opportunities that look good on paper, but will ultimately spread them thin. The deeper, true challenge as well as practice in saying “no” are invaluable. When we say “yes,” we are always also saying “no” as well. Let me give an example. “No, I couldn’t manage to practice violin for 30 minutes every day because I have school, ballet, guitar, scouts, church and then basketball starts soon. So, I’ll practice two times for 15 minutes and keep all of these activities.” That family said “no” to learning to play the violin and would rather dabble in the instrument without truly becoming fluent. Please know I don’t mean families need to “push through and experience grit” at every activity. But we want to make sure children are given the space and bandwidth where they could choose to work hard and be challenged.

One argument I hear is that the child is good at multiple things, and it would be a shame not to pursue each of them. But after a study examining 1,000 students who were all performing in the top 1%ile, the Journal of Counseling Psychology argued a different view. Rather than the students experiencing multi-potentiality by being equally good at many things, the students had never pursued any of the areas deeply enough to hit a ceiling and discover where their greatest abilities lie.

Lin Manuel Miranda, the creator of the broadway musical, Hamilton, explained in a CBS interview how as a child his parents placed him in an elementary school for the highly gifted. Each of the children came in accustomed to being the “best” at everything. But walking into that environment, Miranda discovered he was no longer the best at anything:

You know, I went to a school where everyone was smarter than me. And I’m not blowin’ smoke, I, my, I was surrounded by genius, genius kids. What’s interesting about growing up in a culture like that is you go, “All right, I gotta figure out what my thing is. Because I’m not smarter than these kids. I’m not funnier than half of them, so I better figure out what it is I wanna do and work really hard at that because intellectually I’m treading water to, to be here.

In this environment, he chose to pursue theater and went after it. He didn’t skim the surface and coast with 20 different activities, but leaned in more deeply. I’m not saying all children need to highly specialize early on. In fact, with sports that can cause injury. But, we want children to know what it is to pursue and hone a craft beyond endlessly sampling an entourage of activities that crowd each other for space.

As a teen, I remember reading a fashion magazine one day while waiting for my appointment at a hair salon. In the magazine, a stylist was giving advice about wearing jewelry and accessorizing. She shared how she would get completely ready for a night out and then stop in front of the mirror just before leaving, and choose one single accessory to remove. That was her style key. Always remove one item and then you would be in the style “sweet spot,” rather than heavily-laden with too many shiny trinkets. I think this is lovely advice to extend to our families as we prepare for a new school year. As you send your children out for their new adventures, stop in the “mirror” for a quick consideration. Is there one thing you and your child together could remove from their schedule, so that you find the “sweet spot?” Remove one single accessory and find more margin, room to breathe, AND time to practice your instrument. 

Christina